A year ago today, Lori was blessed to be transferred from
Queen’s Hospital (after being in there for about 2 months) to St. Francis
Hospice in Nuuanu. This was definitely a
blessing from God to allow Lori to transition well into her next step of
eternity with God. She had been through
some tough times in the previous 4 weeks; near death, treatment – both chemo
and radiation, broken bones in her spine due to the cancer growing, vein
issues, family and friends visiting..and the whole process of reconciling that
her time was now very short. The
decision to move into hospice, which pretty much is choosing to not to do any
more life-saving treatment, and just allowing the natural health process to
occur…was not a difficult one. Lori knew
that she had fought hard and fought well…and God’s will and timing was more
important to her than her will and timing.
We did not know how much time she had left, but we knew that time was
short. Looking back now, those 20 days
with her where so special.
I believed I shared this before, but Lori was not afraid of
dying..she knew her end game, being with God…but she was fearful of how it
would occur. 2 very special friends (Cora
and Ann) made it a point to reassure her based on God’s word and assurances,
that when she was to leave this temporal place, the next step into eternity
would be filled with so much joy. Lori
and I were at peace with this decision…Dr. Chong still thought he could fight
the cancer, but in his last visit with Lori, told her she fought the cancer in
such a way, with so much courage and peace, that he had never seen. He was bonded to Lori through this all, and
we know that Dr. Chong saw who God was and is through Lori. Lori presented the Gospel continually to him,
and we continue to pray for His salvation if he has not already accepted the
Lord. Dr. Chong was a great blessing to
us. St.
Francis was so accommodating, so peaceful..we were blessed by the time
there.
As I type this post, I am continually reminded by Lori’s
life scripture: Joshua 1:9
As much as I believe Lori hung on to this scripture through
her battle, I believe God was speaking this scripture through Lori to us
all. You see, in Joshua 1, Moses had
just died and his successor Aaron was now designated to lead the Israelites
across the Jordan River (which we were at 2+ weeks ago) into the Promised Holy
land that God had promised them and there would be major challenges and
struggles. God was commanding Joshua to
be strong and courageous! In the 9
verses of this first chapter, God said this 3 times (vs 6, 7 and 9) and when
God repeats things 3 times, it is a pretty important statement. He was telling Joshua, that He had been with
Moses through his life, and all the struggles and all the challenges and all
the promises, and that God would continue on and be with Joshua. So as I shared a bit earlier, as much as this
life scripture was for Lori, I believe God was using Lori to share this with us
that God was with her through it all…through her 46 years and 363 days of
life..through her birth, the death of her sister, the abandonment of her mom,
the struggles of seeing her dad suffer, growing up in a small house with an
extended family, taking care of her brother who was only 1 year younger than
her, going away to college and then coming home…meeting me, getting pregnant,
blessed with a baby girl, putting up with my pride and ignorance for 13 years
and my bad choices and crippling financial debacle, seeing me through my
criminal conviction and supporting me (even though she was mad at me) through
the 12 weekends of prison time, my mom’s death, Brandi’s own struggles, her
work and her career, the period during work where people were being devalued
and fired by the dozens and she carrying their burdens even when management did
not even care, my crazy business ventures, Brandi’s college fire in her
freshmen year, my health scare and eventually her own battle with this crazy
cancer diagnosis…God was with her through it all..He never abandoned her, never
forsook her, but was by her side through it all. God was there…and because she knew that He
was there during her time here on earth, she knew full well that God would be
with us, with me and Brandi and with her family and her friends who believed in
Jesus till their end of time. God was
always there…comforting, assuring, loving, gracious and just there.
I am so thankful and grateful to be able to process this out
healthily with God reassuring me along the way that He is with me…regardless of
the emotions and the loss of Lori, God is still here. There is so much hope, so much joy, so much
promise that I am blessed to continue on and share the legacy of Lori…her love,
her compassion, her care, her joy for all those she was blessed to come in
contact with. Every day for me, is one
where I remember her, honor her and thank God for her, full well knowing that
God has more in store for me moving forward.
I am able to look back to where we were, in order to move forward to
where God is taking me to…across my Jordan River . I remember a Willow Creek speaker, a Baptist
Black Bishop (code for highly energetic and highly excitable in presenting God’s
word-wish I remembered his name) who was sharing about the Vikings of old who
used to paddle these huge boats in the Atlantic when going to battle…they would
sit on these chairs, 20-30 men, with oars sticking out on the side and they
would be paddling in unison, but they were looking at where they were coming
from, even though the boat was moving to where they were headed…the Bishop
said, that in order for them to get to where they needed to go, they had to see
the past of where they came from, but not be stuck in it or worried about
it…they had to know that they were going towards their goal. Just like in our Hawaiian culture, we need to
remember the past and honor those that came before us – so we can move to our
future.
For me, I will continue to honor Lori and her legacy and my
love for her continues on…but I know that the future of where God is taking me
to is my ultimate destination. One thing
is for sure, the day I take my last breath..I will see my Lord and Savior and
fall at His knees and rejoice in His presence..and then the very next person I
will see..will be Lori. God has been
with me through it all and with Lori through it all and with Brandi through it
all. Regardless of the outcome or the
situation or circumstances, God is still here.
I saw this video today of a song sung by Martina Mcbride,
“I’m going to love you through it.” And
its funny as much as I think I was loving Lori through it, it was more so that
God was loving her and me and all of us through it…the battle, the journey, the
relationships…He was there through it all.
And now, even more so, I know He is loving me through it…loving Brandi
through it…and he’s got an angel, well maybe 2, Lori and my mom – praying for
us and loving us and intercessing for us, for me – for you all.
Lord, thank You for Your love, Your hope, Your promises,
Your assurances, Your grace..for You just being here for me as you were for
Lori. Thank You for loving me through
it..it meaning all…I give you all the glory and honor in all that I am and
trust in You for your will and way.
Love you all!!
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